Aparigraha
“We notice when we begin to use the other for our own fulfilment and cling to them for validation, or we notice how we project our expectations onto them.”
The fifth and final Yama is Aparigraha. Interpreted as non greed or non attachment. All the 5 yamas interact with each other and by practicing compassion, truth, non stealing, moderation and non attachment we can decide the type of energy we want to give to ourselves and put out to the world.
Sutra 2.39 states ‘One who is not greedy is secure. He has time to think deeply. His understanding of himself is complete.’ (translated by T.K.V Desikacher)
What is attachment?
We become attached to relationships, objects, plans, achievements, belief systems and ideas of who we are. Attachments can shine a light on our need for acceptance and validation from the external, instead of seeking that from within ourselves. Some attachments can turn into addictions. I’ve been reflecting on the phrase ‘Where attention goes, energy flows.’ In the context of relationships Dr Shefali in her wonderful book ‘A Radical Awakening’ discusses our attachments. She says that ‘when our sense of identity depends on another, we forsake our individuality, in favour of the relationship” and that “lack always begets more lack.” All relationships could be included. Relationships with friends, family, our children and our partners. Can we meet our own needs and not depend on another to fill the void? Can we love without it becoming transactional? How is our relationship with ourself? Sit in silence with yourself for 10 minutes and see what comes up for you.
What is non attachment?
Non attachment or detachment doesn’t mean that we don’t develop connections and that we don’t love. ‘No man is an island’ and we are social beings. Non attachment means we fully engage in acceptance of the reality of the present moment. We become aware that our attachments are tainted by implicit or explicit memories of past experiences and projections into the future with all our expectations/imagination. We embrace all that the present moment brings from joy to suffering knowing that none of it is permanent. The only constant is change and there is no way to control this.
What is love in the context of non attachment?
Dr. Shefali describes love in the context of non attachment as a “free emotion”. She says - “It occurs naturally and spontaneously. It cannot be forced suppressed, planned or organized. It cannot be contained. Because it is alive, it constantly changes, as do all living things. It simply doesn’t stay the same. It evolves.”
Maya Angelou said it best……. “I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold - that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind.”
Resources and References:
-The Heart of Yoga, Developing a Personal Practice, T.K.V Desikachar, 1995
A Radical Awakening. Dr Shefali, 2021
